Insecurity
The Quiet Story That Shapes Our Lives
If there’s one characteristic that almost everyone I’ve ever worked with carries, it’s insecurity. Of course it doesn’t always show up the same way; it can look like perfectionism, procrastination, people-pleasing, numbing, overthinking, or pretending we don’t care. But underneath all of it is the same quiet fear:
“I’m not enough. And if people really saw me, they’d agree.”
And because most of us were never taught how to recognize it, therefore how to name it, we end up organizing our lives around trying to outrun it, outwork it, hide it, or prove it wrong.
Where Insecurity Comes From
Insecurity comes from protection.
At some point, we learned that showing who we were; our needs, our feelings, our ideas, our voice, felt kinda risky. Maybe we were ignored. Maybe we were judged. Maybe we were told to “toughen up” or “stop being so sensitive.” Maybe we simply learned that love felt conditional.
So we built up an invisible force field to protect ourselves. And it did its job for a long time. It kept us safe. But that also what blocks connection. It keeps us silent when we want to speak. Doubt this… how often are we willing to be vulnerable even to those we are the closest with. And often, it shows up looking like everyday habits…
Overthinking because we’re afraid of being wrong.
Procrastinating because starting means we could fail.
People-pleasing because “no” feels dangerous.
Numbing because feeling too much seems overwhelming.
Self-doubt because confidence feels like a setup for disappointment.
Withdrawing because closeness feels like a risk we can’t control.
None of this means we’re flawed. It means we’re human.
What Happens When We Start Naming It
The moment we call insecurity by its name, and acknowledging that its is a common trait among us humans, there are some profound changes.
We are less likely to be fighting with ourselves.
We typically stop pretending.
We start seeing what’s actually happening inside us.
Insecurity is a wound.
And wounds heal when they’re met with awareness, honesty, and compassion.
Growing Beyond Insecurity
Here’s the part that gives me hope every time:
The very places you feel the most insecure often point to your deepest strengths.
If you doubt yourself, it’s often because you care deeply about doing things well.
If you fear rejection, it’s because belonging matters to you.
If you freeze under pressure, it’s because your mind learned early on that safety meant staying small.
If you avoid being seen, it’s because your voice actually has power—and power feels scary when we’re not used to it.
Yeah, when we say, “Oh… that’s insecurity talking,” growth becomes possible. Now healing insecurity isn’t about pretending we’re fearless.
It’s about practicing courage in small, realistic, steps.
It looks like:
Telling the truth about what we feel
Asking for help
Setting boundaries
Taking small risks that build trust in ourselves
Treating ourselves the way we’d treat someone we respect.
Over time, confidence grows not because we magically “fix” ourselves, but because we learn, again and again, that we can survive being vulnerable.